Dear Babylon – Night Ride

Dear Babylon

I only recently moved to Scalentine and have been working all the time to try and save up some money to send to my parents back home, I live very cheap so I can do this and have been able to do quite well as I will take fares in places like King of Stone where others will not. 

I recently got a good fare transporting a young man and his lady home.  I was watching where I was going, this is essential, I carry weapons but there is always the old ‘body in the road’ trick, another driver got caught this way, he got down to help, the ‘body’ ran away and when he turned around all that was left of his carriage and the horse was one hoof.


I was concentrating on the road like I say also mouths of alleyways, when I became aware of noises from inside the carriage. At first I thought one of them had been taken ill and then realised it was goings-on of an amorous nature. 

I did not think this was the sort of thing people should be doing in my carriage, because of Hygiene and potential damage to the upholstery, but I was not sure what to say. I coughed loudly several times but they did not appear to hear me.

This continued for quite some time but they had finished by the time I dropped them off and I could find no damage though some cleaning was required. 

Is this behaviour legal?  Also, I find myself thinking about it quite a lot and every time I take the carriage out I am looking for the same young couple, this is getting in the way of business, I turned down a good fare the other night in case they should turn up. 

What should I do?



Dear Worried

I think perhaps you have been spending rather too much time working. Take the night off and go and find your own young lady, or gentleman, or whatever is your personal preference, and see if they can be persuaded into some amorous goings-on. Or come here, and we will attempt to find someone to your taste. A list of prices is attached. I know you want to send money home to your parents but everyone needs a life for themselves, including you.

Best of luck




Still up:

You’ve been to that alchemist again, haven’t you? You need their No. 3 calming potion. After that, stay away from the place. It’s perfectly all right not to be at it every five minutes, for goodness’ sake. It’s not a competition.


No, I agree there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, per se. However the grocer is perfectly entitled to request you don’t do it in his shop, especially with stock you have not paid for. Buy it and take it home first, like other people.

Bruised experimenter:

It didn’t occur to you that that was a bad idea? No, obviously not. Book a session with Cruel and Unusual, they’ll give you some pointers.  And other sharp things.


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