The usual parade of rogues and idiots this week.

There’s a lot of beguile about, despite our best efforts. Pity the portals don’t seem to recognise it as something we really don’t want around here. But I suppose they let it through because it’s not generally lethal in itself. Users end up dead for other reasons – like some poor stupid adolescent convinced he can stop a half-ton runaway cart with his mind.
While standing in front of it.
At most, he provided a very slight pause in its progress. And guess who had to ask his mum to identify the result. Hate that part of the job.

A slight variation on an old scam – telling elderly people you’ve done repairs to their roof and demanding payment. Only actually doing the repairs, and massively undercharging for them. Not at all sure what’s going on there. Someone’s confused, i.e. me. When we catch the perpetrator I don’t know if we should arrest them or hire them.

Someone’s been sending around letters telling people they’ve won a luxury holiday, and all they need to do is send money to get the prize. Admittedly a holiday to the Spice Isles sounds pretty good right now, but that’s no excuse for one of my own damn officers falling for this. Had to reprimand several of the others for laughing at him, though I’m not entirely sure that it was because he’d been scammed – it may have been his beach costume. He did look pretty pathetic standing there with his suitcase, all hopeful. And those shorts were…unfortunate.

However, two cases to be filed under “had it coming,” this week.

Don’t try to mug elderly ladies. Not in Scalentine. Even if they are small, frail, and muttering at things you can’t see. If it’s Mattie Longsides, that just means she’s talking to her invisible friends – not all of whom are imaginary, and some of whom are very, very protective.

That helpless fluffy animal you were torturing?  It may be the offspring of something a lot less fluffy and anything but helpless, which is also an excellent tracker. Small fluffy thing has now received veterinary treatment and been reunited with its parent. Perpetrator is still receiving medical attention. Officers, who were aware of the situation, may have been slightly slow in responding to cries of Argh argh get it off my leg my leg, but I’m sure that was due to exceptionally heavy foot traffic or some such, and do not plan to issue any reprimands.

Hargur Bitternut
Chief, City Militia