Extracts from the Scalentine Chronicler Classified Ads

Botherington’s Introduction Agency. Hate having to introduce people?  Bad with names? Instantly forget everything about someone the minute you have to introduce them to someone else?  Botherington’s provides small, discreet, specially trained imps who will perch in your ear and whisper the necessary details to you. Direct access to your memory and all personal files required.

Need the Look? Someone to impress?  We can turn you into the person/creature you want to be! Netheridge’s Patented Illusions, 46 Hopping Crane Street. (Illusions are temporary. Netheridge’s is not liable for any injuries resulting from the disappointment of third parties. Please note that the extra anatomy provided with our Ikinchli illusion is not actually functioning). 

Know your future!  Honest Jaek’s Real Fortunes. Specific, reliable, and highly accurate. Cash only, no credit.

BloodShade Temple Open House; Stoneday, 9th Glister. Looking for answers? Curious about what the Lore of Govash The Eternally Vengeful could mean for you in these troubled times? Come along and say hello! Light refreshments and appropriate entertainments for the kiddies provided.

Madame Wisp’s Etherereal Delights.  Weary of the mundane collisions of the flesh? Bored of the humiliations and unpleasant aftermath of physical intoxication? Fatigued by the constant jabber of so-called music and unnecessary conversation? Let me introduce you to Madame Wisp’s Cabinet of Wonders. It may appear to be just a plain black box in which you are locked for several hours, but you will be amazed at the results. Set your mind free! (No refunds offered).  

Found: Large, friendly animal. Long white coat which sheds a lot, dribbly mouth, huge muddy paws and excessively amorous attitude towards legs, furniture and passers-by. Answers to several names including Go Away, Get Down, and Stoppit. If he is yours please come get him. Or even if he isn’t. 18 Lower Trench, you’ll recognise it from the lawn that’s no longer there.

For sale: Mourning suit. Size 11. Unworn. Rapid transaction required.

Wanted: Small goat.


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Extracts from the Scalentine Chronicler Classified Ads — 1 Comment

  1. Pingback: » The #FridayFlash Report – Vol 5 Number 22

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