Extracts from the Scalentine Chronicler

Waving the Flag

A man was arrested by the City Militia as he made indecent suggestions to a number of passers-by while waving a part of his anatomy at them.

He later claimed to have been taking part in a traditional ritual of his people and that the arrest was interfering with his rights as a citizen.

A member of the City Militia made the following statement:

“He’s a ****er from a well-known family of ****ers, so yes, you could say this was a traditional ritual of his people.  It is not, however, one he has any right to perform on the streets of this city.”

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Local Businessman Remembered

The funeral of Anshirith Depar, member of the Severi Collectat and well known for his successful though little-publicised business dealings and involvement with some of Scalentine’s most colourful characters, will take place on Stoneday, 29th Loth, at the temple of Barnis.

An acquaintance who preferred not to be named said, “It’s not so much a funeral as a service of thanksgiving. We’re all extremely thankful.  I intend to show my gratitude by turning up with the traditional gifts of garlic, bladed weapons and a sharply pointed bit of wood.”

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Protests Over New Temple

The recently completed D’akIth temple near Crowns portal has caused controversy among local residents and traders.

“We get important travellers coming through Crowns,” said grocer Brin Thovak, (39 years Scalentine).  “That’s the first thing they see, what are they going to think?  I run a respectable business.”

Local resident Maudine Woodthrop, (72 years Scalentine) said, “Well, I had no idea what it was supposed to look like until someone told me, but now I think it’s disgusting.  My grandchildren visit me here.”

Juje Bontemps, a freelance pleasure-worker, who did not give his age, said, “It’s supposed to look like what?  Really?”  Once he stopped laughing he informed our reporter that he was moving his pitch closer the temple, on the grounds that a bit of Doctrine of Signatures couldn’t hurt.


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Extracts from the Scalentine Chronicler — 1 Comment

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